You’re probably reading
this article because the title got you curious, offended or slightly
infuriated. If that’s the case, I’m glad I got your attention. However, my
intention is not just to arouse your curiosity but to remind you of some
fundamental truths which we all know — at least intuitively — but often
Choose to ignore. So
please read on. Whenever sex is mentioned, especially in religious circles,
most people put on a “what-are-you-talking-about” look as though it doesn’t
affect them. But we all know that it does. No matter how religious you are, you
have to admit that sexual urge is natural and you cannot satisfy it by fasting
and prayer or any other spiritual discipline. So, rather than turning a blind
eye, we must learn to address it within the right context.
I was moved with
compassion as I read the story of Aseyie, recently reported by Ghanaweb. She explains how sex addiction took hold of her life for more than 14
years. Recounting her ordeal, she says “It was a craving and a fear of how I’d
feel if I couldn’t get it. Once I did, it was a huge relief, like a weight was
lifted. It’s like any addiction. It made me selfish, self-destructive and
depressed but it was a cycle I couldn’t escape. When I started having sex with
my boyfriend I thought it was the answer and would stop me feeling so lonely.
But it wasn’t enough.” Like many people, Aseyiewas using sex to replace her
feelings of loneliness. Aseyie lost her virginity at 13 and struggled with sex
addiction until she sought help when she hit rock bottom at 30.
On the other hand, some
people treat sex as taboo. Most of us were not told the truth as children and
teenagers whilst some of us were told ninety-nine percent truth plus one
percent lie. But ninety-nine truth plus one percent lie is equal to deception!
Quite unconsciously, many people have imbibed the lie that God is against sex —
that He doesn’t want people to enjoy themselves. But really, this is not true.
God created sex and even blessed it! He owns the trademark and it bears His
signature. And like any manufacturer or service provider, He included terms and
conditions – sex is meant to be enjoyed and protected within the context of a
committed and loving relationship, between a man and a woman in the lifelong
covenant of marriage.
After having 40
partners and bedding 370 men, Aseyie has apparently realized this. Now, she says
“I don’t plan on having sex any time soon. If the right guy comes along and I
feel I’m in a stable, loving relationship, I’d feel safe to do it.” Sex is best
enjoyed in marriage. In marriage, a man and a woman can enjoy intimacy with
each other without fear of abandonment, betrayal, or disease; and within this
type of relationship with a stable mother and father, children can be best
cared for and raised to healthy maturity. God created sex to be enjoyed between
a married man and woman; not between individuals who are not married to one
another as in pre-marital sex, free love or extramarital sex; and not between
members of the same sex, as in homosexuality.
These restrictions are
not meant to spoil our fun. Rather, they are meant to shield us from avoidable
grief and devastating heartaches. Sex outside of marriage comes with many
problems, a few of which include disease, unwanted pregnancy and uncared for
children, guilt and emotional trauma. Consequently, it is in our best interest
that we heed the gospel of abstinence, fidelity and sexual purity. However, for
those who have caused themselves a lot of grief before realizing this, there is
still hope. I have great respect for people like Aseyie who have boldly
stepped out to tell their story. Our attitude towards such people should be
compassion, not condemnation.
Charles McCarthy is a
teacher, writer and campaigner of empowerment.
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